Enter the Coyote

This is a rite that has been rattling around in the back of my head for a while.  I meet all kinds of magicians who talk about how much they like Coyote and other trickster figures.  They love to talk on and on about the role of the Cosmic Fool, but when I ask about how this relates to their practice all I get are blank stares.  Several in depth searches on Google have turned up no real Coyote rituals or rites, only a few images of Coyote altars, and one ill-kept blog calling itself Coyote Cult that sets off my anti-virus software when I try to click the link.

So it’s with that in mind that I share with you my new ritual, the Mass of Coyote.

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The Mass of Coyote: a Eucharistic Rite
by Rob Fitch

Introduction:

This ritual is a Eucharistic rite, meaning that it involves the consumption of a host (food and drink) that has been ritually prepared in some manner. By ingesting the magickally charged food one attains a state of communion with the particular entity invoked in the ceremony. The most common Eucharistic rite that most people are familiar with is the Catholic Mass or the Christian Communion. This rite was created after analyzing the Catholic Mass, various Evangelical Communion Ceremonies, and the Gnostic Mass of the E.G.C.

This rite is designed to be practiced either in a group, or as a solo act. In a large enough group, a drum, rattle, and chanting may be employed, with the performers being officers of the ritual. If there is a large number of people in attendance, and someone feels inclined, a live band could even be arranged. In the event that live music is not possible, some appropriate playlist should be devised and played on some hidden sound-making device. Additional musical notes will be provided throughout the text in brackets [].

Because I’m a guy, and tend to write things from a male perspective, the chief officer of the ritual is described as the Priest of Coyote. This is not to say that it couldn’t be a Priestess of Coyote instead. In fact some mythological versions of Coyote are hermaphroditic, so a female Priest or a male Priestess would be entirely appropriate as well.

This rite should ideally be performed outdoors, at night, when the moon is visible. However alternate methods may be employed when conditions are not ideal (too much wind blowing out candles, raining, etc.). Use your best, or worst, judgment. When the text refers to the Temple, it refers to this previously consecrated outdoor space.

The ritual ends in ecstatic dance performed until exhaustion, and as such participants should be healthy enough to engage, if not in dancing, at least in some other form of appropriate ecstasy. Drunk singing or wildly physical air-guitar-playing with accompanying pelvic thrusts are acceptable substitutes.

The main text will assume a group performance, but I will also make notes in braces {} indicating variations for solo practice.

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DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

PRIEST OF COYOTE (maybe be male or female)

Congregants

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MATERIALS:

Temple Space

Altar, to be set up along the length of one of the directional boundaries of the Temple space.

(1) Candle bearing the image of Coyote, color should be based on the group or individual’s personal conception of Coyote. To be set upon the Altar.

(1) whole cooked Chicken, on a platter, prepared to the tastes of the Congregants.

(1 or more if necessary) Libation: Tequila, any Agave-based drink (alcoholic or not), Beer, or water.  Should be enough for all Congregants to have at least one serving.

(1) Knife, on the platter accompanying the Chicken, for carving the meat.

(1) Platter, for carrying the Chicken

(1)  large Chalice

(1 or more) additional cups for each participant other than the PRIEST

(1) Phallic Wand as suits the PRIEST

(1) Music-playing device (see above note)

(1) Mirror (for the solo practitioner)

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SET UP:

The Temple Space should be roughly squarish and large enough to accommodate the number of Congregants for the ritual, and allowing free movement for all. Along one of the boundaries of Temple Space a rectangular Altar should be set, and the dimensions, size, and decoration of such to be determined by the taste of the Congregants. If possible, based on the time of the night and the time of the year, the temple should be arranged such that Aldebaran is above and behind the Altar when facing it. The Congregants should be gathered in a half-circle at the opposite end of the space as the Altar.

There should be an area, hidden from view if possible, adjacent to the Temple Space on the opposite side of the Temple Space from the point at which the Congregants enter. After taking Communion this will be the area in which the Congregants dance. This could be a clothing optional area, there could be more food and booze in this area, but however prepared, this area should be a literal “Garden of Earthly Delights.” I leave it to the Participants’ discretion to decide what that entails.

The Wand and Chalice should be placed upon the Altar, the wand on the right and the Chalice on the left. The Chicken should be placed behind the wand, and the Libation and Congregants’ cups should be placed behind the Chalice. The Chalice should be empty at the beginning of the rite.

Before the right begins, either publicly or privately, as befits the attitude of the PRIEST, the PRIEST OF COYOTE should urinate in the four cardinal directions outside the designated Temple Space. At this time an elemental banishing rite or a calling of the Watchtowers/Archangels/Quarters may be performed at the discretion of the PRIEST, but always before the Congregants assemble for Mass in the Temple Space.

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I. Introit Ceremony, also called the Beratement

[Music: solemn, moody, spooky or dark]

PRIEST OF COYOTE enters Temple seemingly oblivious to the other Congregants and lights the Coyote Candle upon the altar. His back is to the Congregants while doing this. After lighting the candle, he starts as though spooked by a noise behind him. He slowly turns around to notice the Congregants and looks around the Temple. He smiles. His smile gets wider and wider until he bursts forth with uncontrollable ecstatic laughter. He walks around the Temple mocking the Congregants as a group and then standing before each and mocking him or her individually. The mockery should be ad-libbed, different every time, and tailored to the individual appearance and demeanor of each Congregant. The PRIEST may point his finger, gesture obscenely, make faces, and and all manner of other outrageous mockery, but may not physically touch the Congregants at this point.

{The solo practitioner should set up a mirror in the opposite direction of the Altar and after lighting the Coyote Candle mocks himself in the mirror. The mirror should largely be treated as the solo practitioner’s audience.}

[Music should stop. Silence for now]

PRIEST OF COYOTE returns to a place in front of the Altar and faces the Congregants.

PRIEST OF COYOTE: So you think you’re worthy to partake of Coyote’s mysteries?

ALL: (Each Congregant answers the question in the way they feel best, and in the language that best expresses their response. These responses should be given simultaneously so that the Temple is filled with a cacophony of “Yes.”; “Sure.”; “Maybe.”; “I don’t know.”; “Yup.”; “Yeah.”; “I guess.”; and the like.)

PRIEST OF COYOTE: Then recite the Laws of Coyote with me.

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ALL:

Laugh at thyself that thou may be immune to the scorn and mockery of those around you.

Laugh at others so that thou never places another before thee.

Laugh at thine own deeds lest thou develop great arrogance.

Laugh at the deeds of others that thou may see the futility in all paths including thine own.

Laugh at futility and thereby overcome inaction and the demon, Laziness.

Be Hungry! Be Lustful! But always be so with Laughter.

Go forth and teach the Law of Laughter to all that Laughter may multiply Laughter.

If thou canst Laugh like this then none can stand in thy way.

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PRIEST OF COYOTE: Good. I just had to be sure you were digging the shit I’m shoveling. Be seated now and listen, as I tell the tale of the prophet (Congregants sit on the floor in their places):

Let it be known that you sit here as the culmination of a whole lot of shit that will totally blow your mind, man. So now it is time to tell the tale, lest we forget, not that it’s that big a deal if we do. Ahem. My prophet was a man, not unlike you, perhaps even a little more stupid and weak. The only worthwhile quality that he possessed was the pure desire to know my truth. And such I gave unto him. I gave him a small measure of laughter, like a seed, and a task. I gave unto my prophet not the gift of popularity, or of beauty, or of wealth, or of intelligence. I tortured him with loneliness and grief, and with poverty and depression. I set the entire world against him that his mind might be broken, and in its fractured state that he would find laughter. For Laughter is my Law.

In the time of his wandering I made him take the motto S.H.I.T., for shit truly fertilizes the seed of laughter. And I broke his mind further. I set him against the small gods that he may play their games and wrestle with their machinations, but always in laughter. And during this time my stupid little prophet learned much. When he returned to his home, he discarded the arrogance of the knowledge he had gained and returned unto my heart. And I gave unto him this rite, which he gave to others, which is now given to you.

Of the task that I set for my prophet, that you are here now is proof that it has been fulfilled.

{The solo practitioner performs all of the above, before the mirror while standing.}

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II. The Invocation of Coyote

PRIEST OF COYOTE: All rise for the invocation.

PRIEST OF COYOTE turns to face the Altar.

[Music: Anything that makes you feel epically fucking awesome as you say this.]

PRIEST OF COYOTE:
Great Coyote!
Of the Sky and of the Earth!
You need no other
And yet you Hunger.
O Hungry One!
O Lustful One!
Ever Desiring,
Ever Striving.
Your Hungry Lust
Fuels the Great Mischief.
Sly and clever
Author of the people’s sorrows
Filler of the people’s bellies.
O Coyote!
I call you by your many names
Sin-ka-lip and Sk’elep,
Ma’iito i Alchini and Atse Ha’ashke,
Snilemun and Huehuecoyotl.
But I, your priest, know your true name
For I have written it on both of my hearts.
You who Dances under stars
You who serenades the moon.
Your Lustrous coat is the envy of all
Your Shaggy coat makes men to gag.
Your gift of Fire preserves the people
But you devour all they have.
And your hunger remains.
Always your hunger remains.
O Hungry one, come dwell with me!
Sate your belly on my folly.
Devour this imperfect me;
Devour my cares
Devour my worries
Devour my nagging doubts
Devour my petty desires
Lightened of my burdens
Let me walk in your joy
Ever Hungry!
Ever Lustful!
Be present in me that I may do the Great Mischief in your name!

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III. The Consecration of the Sacrament

[Music: Barry White, Isaac Hayes or other boinkin’ music.]

PRIEST OF COYOTE takes the Wand from the Altar and approaches the first Congregant standing to the right of the Altar. The Congregant strokes the wand as though giving a handjob 3 times. The PRIEST may make pleasured moan sounds as he feels are appropriate to the moment. The PRIEST then approaches the next Congregant, who does the same, and so forth until all have stroked the PRIEST’s holy rod. The PRIEST returns to the Altar and using the Wand makes the sign of the cross 3 times over the Chicken. The PRIEST inserts the Wand into the Chicken.

{Solo Practitioner simply strokes the wand by himself}

PRIEST OF COYOTE: By the holy power vested in me, I declare this Chicken fucked by the Gods!

PRIEST OF COYOTE removes the Wand from the Chicken and places it upon the Altar in front of the Chicken. The PRIEST then takes the empty Chalice from the Altar and approaches the first Congregant to the left of the Altar. Using his or her imagination, the Congregant finds the clitoris of the Chalice and strokes it 5 times. The PRIEST may make pleasured moan sounds as he feels are appropriate to the moment. The PRIEST then approaches the next Congregant who does the same, and so forth until all have given the Chalice pleasure. The PRIEST returns to the Altar and places the Chalice back in its former spot. He fills the Chalice with the Libation and places the bottle back in its former spot. The PRIEST takes the Wand and makes the sign of the cross 5 times over the filled Chalice. The PRIEST dips the end of the Wand into the Chalice.

{Solo Practitioner simply fingers the Chalice by himself}

PRIEST OF COYOTE: By the holy power vested in me, I declare this Libation fucked by the Gods!

PRIEST OF COYOTE places the wand in front of the Chicken. The PRIEST tears a leg from the Chicken and holds it aloft in his right hand. While holding it such, he takes the filled Chalice and holds it aloft in his left hand. Holding both aloft, he turns to face the Congregants. He dips the Chicken into the Chalice making sure it touches the Libation. He devours the Chicken and chugs the Libation, hopefully, making a terrible mess of himself. After consuming both, he dramatically tosses the Chalice and the Chicken bone on the ground and with wide wild eyes stares at the Congregants.

{The Solo Practitioner does the above, but before consuming each element says the appropriate line from the next section. (This is my shit, etc. This is my piss, etc.)}

PRIEST OF COYOTE: My eyes are now opened; I am like God, knowing good and evil. (roars) I AM THE GREAT COYOTE!

{The Solo Practitioner says the line below that begins, “Everything we have done here…” substituting first person singular pronouns where appropriate}

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IV. Communion

PRIEST OF COYOTE motions the first Congregant of his choice to approach the Altar. The PRIEST carves off a piece of the Chicken using the Knife and hands it to the Congregant.

PRIEST OF COYOTE: This is my shit, pooped for you; eat it in remembrance of me.

Congregant eats.

PRIEST OF COYOTE pours Libation into one of the smaller cups and hands the cup to the Congregant.

PRIEST OF COYOTE: This is my piss, peepeeed for you; drink it in remembrance of me.

Congregant drinks.

PRIEST OF COYOTE grasps the Congregant by the shoulders, pulls the Congregant close and stares into his or her eyes so that there is no more than an inch between their noses.

PRIEST OF COYOTE: Everything we are doing here is stupid and you’re stupid for partaking in it. Knowing that, you are free now to go forth and laugh the laughter of Coyote. Laugh and dance, my child!

PRIEST OF COYOTE releases the Congregant and leads him or her to the entrance of the dancing area.

[Music: Celebratory. “Atomic Dog” by George Clinton seems to be the best choice for me, but an entire playlist should be established so dancing can continue as long as necessary. This music should only be played in the dancing area, so that Congregants don’t really get to enjoy it until after they have taken communion.]

PRIEST OF COYOTE motions the next Congregant to come forward and repeats the above process until all have communed and are dancing.

Congregants should dance, revel and party until exhaustion honoring the Coyote spirit in the way they see fit.

{Solo Practitioner dances by himself}

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V. Benediction

PRIEST OF COYOTE: (shouting over the music while the Congregants are dancing) Go forth in the Laughter of Coyote! Ever Hungry! Ever Lustful! Go forth in Laughter and do the Great Mischief!

{Solo Practitioner says Benediction adding the words “I will” before each “Go forth…” while he is still dancing.}

PRIEST OF COYOTE looks around to his right and left suspiciously, then disappears while the Congregants are distracted.

The End.

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And there you have it. The Mass is very versatile and different parts of it can be used on their own. For example, the Invocation of Coyote is something I’ve started doing by itself outside the Mass. The Laws of Coyote are the most succinct way I could find to describe what he’s taught me over the years, and are about as close as I could come to some sort of Coyote ethos.  I will be discussing more about the Mass in future posts.  A Commentary is already being formulated in my mind. Until then, enjoy.

Texas Hold’em Tarot spread

This post deals with a new Tarot spread I’ve been working with. It’s fun, blurs the line between entertainment and divination, and will instantaneously make you look like a badass compared to the guy that only ever uses the Celtic Cross.

Intro:

After spending the last couple of years in New Orleans, I was struck by a couple of things while I was down there.  There are more Tarot card readers in the Crescent City than anywhere I’ve ever lived.  The whole town reeks of occult energy (and a few other odd flavors), and even those people who normally aren’t sensitive to this phenomena can feel it.  At the same time, the city is also one of the best known party towns in the country, if not the world.  The result?  A we’re-drunk-and-we-wanna-see-a-show-goddamnit attitude when it comes to Tarot card readings, Voodoo, and other magickal phenomena in the city.  So I decided in a city run by tricksters where the line between charlatan and sage is so badly blurred that even the people to whom those terms are applied don’t know which is which, why not give the public what it wants?

Some people come looking for drunken entertainment, and nothing more.  For every ten of these you meet, there’s one that comes along who is so trusting and naive concerning your “great and fancy magickal powers” that purest part of you wants to look deep into those eyes and say, “get thee to a nunnery, child, for there are ghouls out tonight!” So prudence is required in knowing when to use this particular spread.  I suggest this spread for those who seem like they’d be apt to gamble their souls anyway.

You can’t avoid showmanship with the first crowd. It doesn’t matter how good your advice is or how accurate the reading is if you don’t sell your “witchiness” before the person even sits down for a reading. These people don’t want spiritual truth; they want to get “freaked out” a little, like kids playing with a Ouija board. It’s with that in mind, Ladies and Gentlemen that I present to you the Texas Hold’em Tarot spread.

It’s important to note a couple of points before we continue.  First, this is still a reading and not a game.  You’re not competing with the querent, but giving them the illusion of competing with vast cosmic forces beyond their comprehension.  There is only a single hand; there is no betting or bluffing. We are merely using the aesthetic of a gambler’s game for the sake of creating a heightened sense of the grand gamble that represents all of life.

Second, for this type of reading it is very important to dress the part.  As the person sitting across the table in what appears to be a game of chance, it is important that you represent some oppositional force to the querent.  You don’t need to say anything to this effect; their minds will naturally cast you as the Devil, their personal demons, or the personification of all forces they perceive to be against them in their life.  You should neither confirm or deny your identity as such, but merely let them fill in the details as they would choose to perceive them.

All right, let us begin.

The Spread:

Have the querent shuffle and cut the deck according to whatever set of practices you normally use for Tarot readings.

Draw one card and place it face up on the table in front of the querent.  Draw another and place it face up in front of yourself.  Draw another card and place it face up in front of the querent next to the first.  Draw a final card and place it face up in front of yourself next to the first card in front of you.  Note: as the reading is for the benefit of the querent orient the cards so that even your cards are facing him.

Interpret these cards.  The cards in front of the querent represent the internal qualities that he has, in the present, to deal with the rest of what he will see during the reading.  The cards in front of you represent those qualities that are obstacles or hindrances to his forward progress.

Deal three cards in the middle of the table oriented to face the querent.  In Hold’em, this is known as the “flop.”  These cards should be interpreted as the situation as it stands.  The combination of these three cards tells you what the current state of affairs is for the querent.

Deal another card in the middle of the table next to the flop cards. In Hold’em this is known as the “turn.”  This card represents the course of action the querent must take to achieve his desired outcome.  Alternatively, it could also represent the near future or the next sphere of influence to come into play in the querent’s situation.

Deal one final card in the middle of the table next to the flop and turn cards.  In Hold’em this is known as the “river.”  This card represents the final outcome of the situation.

Note:  In Texas Hold’em, and always in casino play, it is customary that the dealer will “burn” a card in between the flop and the turn, and another in between the turn and the river.  This simply means discarding the next card in the deck.  Historically it has been done to prevent cheating.  Depending on how you want to implement this spread you could choose to do this if you wish, to give the reading a more authentic “Hold’em feel.”  In terms of the mechanical aspects of divination, I personally feel it is largely unnecessary except as a way to maintain the proper aesthetic for the reading.

Conclusion:

There you have it.  This fun little spread is something I’ve been working with for about a year now, and it seems to achieve some pretty interesting effects.  This is of course merely a framework, and I would love to see those with more knowledge of Poker than myself develop it further. It should also be noted that, in my opinion, this spread seems to work well for people who work with trickster figures.  It feels very appropriate for me to invoke Coyote or Ellegua before doing a spread like this.

Thanks for reading and enjoy.

WordPress, you have made a powerful enemy today.

Ok, maybe not. But look, I really didn’t want to have do this. It’s just that my posts in certain groups/communities on Facebook were getting too long and unwieldy for the average person. Kinda like my penis.

So anyway, I’m gonna post stuff here about magick, the occult, spirituality, metaphysics, weirdness and stuff like that. If you’re lucky I might even occasionally slip in the odd picture of the old union between the wand and cup, if ya know what I mean. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.  But yeah this blog-thingy’s going to mostly be about magick. No politics, no weather, no movie and book reviews (unless it’s occult material or somebody starts paying me) just fucking magick. But not always fucking magick per se, just magick.

I think that’s all for now. Look out for my next post soon. It will be about a new Tarot spread I’ve been using lately.